My Articles in English

 

 

ODE TO OUR INTERNAL CHILD

By Frank David Cardelle

Can we see them? Or do they hide in the darkness of Shadow, afraid of being judged, criticized and punished...,Again!

Can we hear them? Or are they afraid to say what they feel and know and to express themselves at all?

Can we feel them inside of us? To realize that they do exist as much as our flesh, blood and bone and are a vital part of our being and have many gifts that we can benefit from. Or have our feelings become numb for lack of use and contact, let alone noticing their aliveness and presence?

Can we Love them? Do we Love them? Will we love them....without the trails that come through conditions and expectations long and held in place. And invite them back into our lives, feeling their true presence as part of us, that which comes through every breath, movement, sensation and bodily gesture? Or will we continue to ignore them, deny them, judge and condemn them to an ever lasting prison sentence within the internal darkness of limitedness and stagnation.

Can there be a time when we choose another way? Can there be a time when we change, alter and turn this condition around.....towards a fresher day of more possibility and new life?
Only time will tell.

top

If you want the world to become more loving and compassionate. Become more loving and compassionate yourself.
If you want less fear to be in the world, demiinish your own. These are the gifts we can bring.
Gary Zukav

Life asks not that we do great things with love But little things with great love.
Mother Teresa

LOVE IN THE WORKPLACE: A REFLECTIVE VIEW

By Frank David Cardelle

It would seem that we have taken steps beyond the classic secret love affair between the boss and his secretary and sexual harassment has begun to lessen as well. It is becoming more evident that people in the workplace and in the corporate domain are choosing more healthy ways to insure that the workplace becomes an environment, that is more humane, sensitive and even more loving. Company and organizational cultures of various kinds are being born daily that offer both employees and management a chance to be part of a working space and environment that assists human growth, facilitates creativity awakening in people, empowers and allows people to move beyond the archaic patterns and conditions brought on by the attitude and practice of the traditional , masculine dominant and “ overly completive stance” taken by those climbing the ladder towards corporate success.

We see many companies now ready and willing to invest time, energy and money for the education and training of their employees. They now encourage their company personell to learn better ways of communication, handling their emotions, and even how they feel about themselves and learning how to improve things going on in their homes with their families. Companies are moving towards the use of Team Work in just about every sector and department in the work environment. The members are encouraged to speak their minds and hearts and often take on greater responsibility when it seems necessary. People are being trusted in taking risks and companies are creating more space for people to exercise more of their own capacities of leadership and moving away from the more typical “ leader at the top company structure”.

In the last decade we have seen countless books on the shelves offering “point by point” recipes for a newer kind of company and work environment. Business schools are using some of the newest models, approaches and practices in preparing the future executives for a different kind of work experience. Everywhere, we see the principles of Emotional Intelligence taking hold in both peoples minds, hearts and the choices they are making for a more human and healthy workplace. Indeed, the workplace and the work experience has been taking on a new face in the last years as the importance of the “people factor” and the greater resources and gifts that “we are as people”, and what we bring of these qualities to our jobs, is being taken into consideration. Finally, the need for more love being felt, given and shared among people in the workplace has become a factor that we can no longer ignore. While making profits and satisfying shareholders was once the main concern in the business world. These have become secondary to the more important needs of the “human to human” experience of learning. People are seeing now that we need to bring more heart to our work habits and practice, or at least, find the means to create more of a “head to heart” connection.

Does love have a place in the workplace or not? Some believe that it does, while others still feel, that “ business is business” and it is important not to mix “emotions” with the usual “mind matters” so characteristic of the more traditional business venture and practice.

In this article I hope to explore some of these ideas, assumptions and conclusions about this issue of “Love in the Workplace.” In this light, I will focus on the language traits and patterns that come through the “experience” of love in its many forms, whether this be the verbal and non verbal kind, body language, rituals, choices and other ways we are beginning to see it lived more readily in the work culture. But at the sometime, while I do believe that this style of presentation is valid and has its place. I wish to provide a more in depth style that invites the reader to take a closer look at some of their own beliefs, experiences, assumptions and more about how “LOVE” both fits into our current work experience and how this has evolved over years and time.

In order to achieve this I have chosen a short story that a friend sent to me sometime ago about the love theme. In this case this theme was offered and explored through the eyes and experience of the Child. Hence, the story was a reflection of one four year olds response to the expression of love. Following this, I am offering a kind of futuristic look at how this four year olds response and actions could possibly mature and develop over time. For this purpose, I have selected four possible scenarios that revolve around this four year olds experience. In each one, I have given a different name, different life path, including various choices, events lived and experienced etc. The one common denominator, however, will be that all of the four scenarios will speak to a kind of notion of “ living the love in the workplace.” I believe this way of looking at the theme in mention here, will come more alive, and take the article and its purpose to a more heightened state of experience, awareness and understanding for all.

Let us begin.

The story I spoke of earlier, involves that of a four year boy who lives next door to an old man who had recently lost his wife to a terminal disease. This was a difficult time for the old man as he had been married to his wife for over forty years. He seemed lost without her and sometimes would mope around as if he did not know what else to do.

One day the boy was riding his tricycle on the side walk that also passed in front of both his and the old man´s house. As he got closer to the old mans house he noticed that the old man was sitting on the porch holding his hands over his face. Without hesitating, he got down off the tricycle, passed through a gate and and soon was sitting on the old mans lap. Later, he told his mother about what had happened, as young children often do, in their innocent manner. Of course, being a mother of a four year old, she was in a bit of a panicked state, knowing that the old man was grieving the loss of his wife and not knowing how capable was her son in handling such an experience so early in his life. But to her apparent amazement, after asking him what happened and what did he say to the old man. Her sons reply was only, “ I did not say anything to him. I just helped the old man to cry”.

I have told this story many times and with groups of people in many different countries. The reactions have been quite the same, whether it was happening in China, Russia, Hungary or Colombia. People have been silent and seemed to be looking inside for the answers that provided them with a match to their response. In all cases this was usually an emotional one. This response also depended on when I asked the people to consider “being that four year old” and remembering if we also had that kind of clarity of insight and wisdom when we were that age. Of course, some people nodded their heads in the affirmative, while others seemed to be “stuck” in some kind of a memory- like trance, somewhere in between childhood and their adult years. On one occasion, a man cried when I told the story. Another time, in China the whole group fell into a state of deep sadness. I know because I too, felt it along with them.

Obviously, the story brings up a lot of memories from all of our past happenings. Some of these are painful to remember again, and for some they come as a great surprise, having either forgotten these events so early in our lives ,or simply having blocked them out, as we found denial a better way in handling the pain, rather than being able to ride through with the pain, until we had integrated the experience of before, with our more current lessons in our lives. Nonetheless, whatever we have done with our earlier experiences, whether we have denied or integrated them, they are always with us and become part of every waking day and moment of our lives. The ones that we can use, so that it is not necessary to continue repeating over and over again, the lessons that we can learn from, in a better sense, if we are willing to look at and approach things from a different angle and view.

If we can imagine being this four year old boy then, perhaps we can go even further and imagine several possible outcomes, beyond the first experience, that could happen to this boy, as he grows through his life, and finally to be a full grown man. For our purposes I have created four different scenarios as I stated before. Each one with a different history and reality.

Scenario # 1

So let us begin with scenario number one. Here, we find a man who is a manager in a company that makes wheelchairs. His name is Carlos. While Carlos, can remember at four years, old sitting on the old mans lap, and helping him to cry. Later on, in his teens, he had to face a loss and tragedy of his own. This is when his own mother succumbed to a three year fight with cancer. Carlos was close to his mother, and both him and his father took her death quite hard. Carlos also had a younger brother and sister, but because of their ages, the brother being six years old and the sister being nine years, they seemed to handle the loss a bit better than Carlos or his father. Perhaps, the fact that Carlos being the oldest and having more time alone with both his mother and father before, the other siblings came along, was a contributing factor. However, Carlos, in spite of the pain of the loss of his mother: he went onto University, studied business and found a job right out of University with the Wheel Chair company, and joined their Manager trainee program, and after five years had become the Manger of his own department responsible for customer services.

Scenario # 2

In scenario number two we meet Jose. Like Carlos, he also had the experience with the old man after his wife died. Jose, however, was not as ambitious as Carlos and did not have much interest in school and dropped out in his second to the last year of high school. One of the reasons for this is that his high school sweetheart got pregnant and they decided to get married, after being pressured by both his parents, and hers as well. His father kept telling him,. “Jose, my son. Do the right thing”. So in order to take on the responsibilities for raising a child, Jose dropped out of school and got a job driving a forklift in a Banana processing plant. Later, after his daughter was born, he became a supervisor of twenty five forklift drivers. This brought him some more income but also more responsibility.

Scenario # 3

Juan Diego is the character we meet in Scenario three. Out of the four, Juan Diego seems to be the one that continued to model the qualities that he exhibited when he was four, when he encountered the old mans painful situation. When he was six, he became an alter boy in his church and later joined a seminary planning to be a priest, but later decided that he was not cut out to be a priest, as he wanted to have a family. Soon after leaving the seminary, he enrolled in a program in Psychology and before he finished his studies, he had acquired a Masters degree in Counsellings with a major in Human Recourses. After graduation, he took a full time job with a Pharmaceutical company, that he had interned with during his Masters study, and went on to head the Companies Human Resources division. This was quite an achievement, after being with the company, for only four years. Perhaps, this again, shows through the qualities that Juan Diego was capable of when he was only four years old. Certainly, a surprise to his mother. Juan Diego, eventually, went on to have not only a family but he and his wife Carmen had a son and twin daughters.

Scenario # 4

In order to provide a fuller picture of compliment and challenge in our forth scenario I have created a placement for a CEO. Here, we look at the man who is in charge and has the greater responsibility of the lot. At least, this is what we have been made to believe. The CEO or the Chief or “El Presidente” is seen as the one to lead. So the name we give to this man in question is Ricardo, which is supposed to mean “king or leader”. Ricardo, has come along way from the time when he sat on the old mans lap and assisted him through his pain. He went on to be a top student all through middle school and high school and completed a degree in Law and later went abroad on a scholarship and completed an MBA. Two years after finishing his MBA, he joined with two of his classmates, and together they formed a consulting firm that specialized in Leadership training at the governmental and corporate level. This involved traveling a great deal at times and on some occasions going abroad. Ricardo and his wife Graciela had two fine sons and a daughter. One son had become a lawyer and worked par time as a legal consultant for his father’s company. His second son was more independent and went on to create his own company that involved software programs. The daughter was in her second year of high school and got top grades in her class. From the outside Ricardo’s life and career looked like one that only spoke of success . He had a beautiful and intelligent wife and model children that had become outstanding citizens that would make any father proud. But what most others did not know is that Ricardo had a problem with drugs. While he was not what we would call an addict. He really loved Cocaine, and had it not been for his lifestyle and high income, he never would have been able to afford his 400 dollar a day coke habit.

So now, after offering the four different scenarios, we can begin to weave these into the theme of this article and how these fit into a more reflective context for “Love in the Workplace.”

We can begin first with Jose. So what would be the “culture of forklift drivers”, as this pertains to the showing and demonstration of love in their work setting. Probably, we would find that this would involve more of the “boys club” mentality, as most, or all of the drivers, would be male. Maybe, their would be the occasional slap on the back, some shared curse words, that they would hesitate to use, in front of women. On some occasions, they might whistle or flirt with one of the “good looking women” from the main office, when she came to deliver documents or to pass on instructions from other divisions of the company. Most probably, they would find time for joke telling, and usually these would involve some aspect, that was about sex or related issues. If they had worked together for a longer period of time, then they might go for some beers after the finish of the work day. Or maybe they would meet together with their families, when they attended company sponsored gatherings for employees. The way they might show love to other mangers and the CEO is through the language of respect and commitment to their work. If they liked the CEO or a particular manager they might Call them Don Ricardo or Carlos. If they did not like or trust either the CEO or manger they might just call them Mr. or Señor. But later when they were not around they might just refer to them as “asshole”. Most likely, the language and treatment of the “higher ups”, by the forklift crew, would depend on how they were treated by the “higher ups”. Hence, they would receive what they gave. If love was going to be shared among this group of the company, it would have to be modeled by those, who had the power and position to make it more of a reality and possibility to happen.

This might be a real opportunity for people like Carlos, Juan Diego and Ricardo to make a difference. Since they represented this higher level of conduct and performance of the company. But of course, if they were expecting the other employees to begin to practice a more caring way among themselves. This required, that they as Higher level mangers as well as the CEO, had to be the models of this more loving attitude and practice, not only among themselves, but also how they lived and modeled this, with others throughout the companies grounds. Such as with secretaries, truck drivers, line staff, sales, and also those who got the coffee, swept the floors and cleaned the toilets. Additionally, we cannot forget those in the mail room, HR, and security. Yes, if a company is going to become more loving and empowering towards its employees it does take a lot of effort on everyones part, but the management must do an extra part, in insuring that the task is handled in the best way, and with the best of care and intentions.

If we take this to a deeper level of consideration let us try and imagine how Carlos as a Manger of customer services might react when one of his secretaries brings him a coffee on a given day. Does he look into her eyes as he reaches for the coffee she brings him, to really let her know, that he acknowledges her for a small act of service?. Does she feel appreciated by him, for this act, that while it may come with her duties, she is not obligated to smile or to be courteous, although she probably does demonstrate this anyway?.

How about when Carlos or Juan Diego meet Jose in the Men’s washroom. What is it like for a manger and a line staff to stand together at the Urinal? Do they greet and share pleasantries with one another or just stand and say nothing as mangers and lesser staff rarely share a Piss together. Then of course, The CEO does not have to even consider this possibility, as he usually has his own private washroom with special towels, soaps and colognes, that make him smell better, and cover up the lingering cigarette odor, if he is one who indulges like this. How would it be if he too, had to use the Mens room and everyday share the experience at the urinal, whereby all men relieve themselves. Could this be a certain kind of showing of love among men, when they are able to share this natural experience, so necessary for all male’s?.

At this point in the discussion this might be a perfect time for the HR department to get involved. Here, we bring to the fore Juan Diego and his special gifts, that he has been cultivating ever since he was four years old, and helping the old man to feel his emotional pain. How might he do this in the workplace, especially when he has the marked advantage of being the Psychologist and head of the HR division.

Unfortunately, if we look at the whole of the Human Resources story, as this fits into any organization or company of any size, we find both disappointments as well as achievements and contributions. In some cases,HR managers are no more then a glorified personell director who performs Psychological tests, interviews people for various job openings and sometimes runs in-house workshops on stress and time management, to filling out important documents needed by the accounting department, so people can get paid. In some of the other more advanced placements for Human Resources, we find them being part of whole company operations and even being an advisor and confident to the CEO´s themselves. Companies and organizations, that truly understand the importance of HR function and actions, within the company, stand a better chance for bringing about the changes necessary, in creating and evolving more humane and creative cultures, whereby the talents and capacities of the people matter and can flourish.

If we could imagine Juan Diego as one of the leaders and pioneers of this HR stream of the company culture. We are able to see how a more loving culture could very well be formed. It would not only be his background in Psychology that would be a great support and facility for this to happen, but also, his early seminary experience that taught him the meaning of service to others, and in most cases, this would be shown through acts of love. This coupled with Juan Diego´s inborn gifts and nature, that was exemplified through his amazing capacity for knowing what to do, in handling the pain of people a lot older then himself, but at the sometime, he instinctively knew what needed to be done. If we take this combination of natural gifts that have been shaped and matured over time, we can see evidence for how Juan Diego would have much to offer any workplace environment that he was part of.

As the head of the HR division of his company, he would be in a position to really help people realize the wonderful gifts that can come from the development of a workplace, that allows human beings to be just this…human beings. Whether he provided workshops or trainings to the people in the company, from line to top management, his commitment to the task at hand, could really bring about greater changes in both the company, its policies and how it lived its mission and vision. Having a real and sensitive HR person would be one of the ingredients that would determine to a great degree how people in the company were with one another. This of course, would also have to depend on Juan Diego as well, because what he asked others to do from an HR perspective, he would need to do and model himself. He would also have to work at being a more loving and compassionate human being, ready and willing to grow, learn and be willing to make changes when necessary, in both his attitude and practice.

If he was willing to take on this task in this way, the fruits of his labor would surely be seen, and the company, its people and the customers and clients, as well the company, would also be served. In fact, this might even stretch beyond the company itself and touch the community. This would show how the company was becoming more socially responsible.

I have left Ricardo for the last part of this discussion and article as I believe that the role of the CEO requires a lot more then some top executive bosses realize and can even handle. This is especially true, when it comes to the whole idea of creating a place, so that the natural gifts of love, we all possess, can be awakened and brought more into the everyday routines of our work experience.

Many people believe that the CEO has the greatest affect and influence on how a company grows and develops. If the CEO´s style is to bully his people then this creates a culture of fear, resistance and secret rebellion. If his style is to be the Parent then he is seen as the “big daddy”. If he is a gentle and supportive “father figure” this is not as bad as having the CEO as a Tyrant. Either way, the company culture portrays more of a family atmosphere. There are as many styles for being and performing the role of the Chief Executive officer, as there are Chief Executive officers themselves. Some are more educated formally than others ,while some have learned how to run and lead a company from years of experience. Whatever the combination of education and experience, it is the “how” part of this equation that comes to bear ,when trying to understand how best to put all this together and “living” the experience of the company head.

In Ricardo´s circumstance, he certainly has shown and found the way to improve himself , to add onto the natural skills he posed when he was just a boy of four. He has gone onto to develop these earlier capacities through his achievements education wise, and using his business sense. But, at the same time, we need to look more closely and even beyond the “obvious” in order to see how one aspect of his steps toward success, has, and can limit and block, his capacity for Leadership in the growth and development of a better kind of working culture. This is his 400 dollar a day cocaine habit.

Most likely, he would be the first to disagree with this statement, as for him, he would believe that his habit was under control, because he could afford this luxury. But this is what goes with a cocaine habit, whether one is a CEO of a company or not. As denial is the most common response when it comes to any kind of addiction. This is even stronger when it comes to cocaine use, as the user can easily fall into a trap of denying their denial.

If we look more closely at this situation, as it relates to the building of a more humane and loving company culture, what do we find? Perhaps, Ricardo has done such a good job of covering up his “ secret”, that he really believes that know one knows about his cocaine habit. Yet, he would be quite shaken to find out, that many people know about his habit, but choose not to say or do anything about it as a way of protecting him. Or In some cases, they might be afraid to bring it up for fear of losing their jobs. This fear may be more real than we could think as Ricardo, could very well get rid of someone who could reveal the truth of his cocaine habit. This way is in keeping with how people who are addicted to any kinds of harmful substances handle most situations.

If we take this one step further we can begin to see how this obvious cover up helps to create a “cover up company culture”. People are afraid to talk about things of importance and this makes it more difficult in communicating about other issues needed to be brought out into the open, so that people stay in the “know and how”. Trust, is also lost and people even begin to lie, and take this as “normal and accepted” behavior, not knowing that this is what is born out of an addictive patterm, operating on both levels of emotion and mind.

If Ricardo is going to truly provide the right kind of Leadership as a company head then he must first do something about his Cocaine use. If he wants his people to create a different kind of company culture, then he as well, needs to step forward as one, that is also ready to make a change. Often CEO´s make the mistake in sending their staff and employees to trainings, for one reason or another, without doing anything themselves, to also make a difference. They wrongly believe, that “others” should change, but it is not necessary for them to do so. It is no wonder, that so much time, money and energy is wasted in companies, when the heads of companies stop modeling, what they want their people to be, and to do. If they could learn to turn this around , we could see amazing things happening in the workplace. If they had enough courage to step forward and being honest about some part of their lives, that is painful to face and accept, they would be doing a great service to their workforce. If they could find a way to do this, it would be the greatest act of love and leadership.

As we come to the last parts of this article I am left feeling both touched and informed about how to bring the” spirit of love” into the workplace. Through, each unfolding of the four scenarios,I have seen how the inborn gifts, we all come with to this life, can be cultivated and strengthened over time, or they can be lost and buried, as if we never had them to begin with, at all. I also have learned how important it is to remember the role each of us play, in the creation of better places to work. Yes, we all can make a difference, if we are willing to do our part, and not expect others to do it for us. We all have gifts and qualities that we can offer for this task. We just have to decide to do it. We would be greatly surprised in knowing what we are really able to do, if we “choose” it and then commit our selves in doing it.

I'm also remembering how each time I share the story about the four year boy, how much it is a reminder of things we learn to forget over time, but still need them to work on in our lives. Now, that we are at the end of this article, and I am already recalling pieces of the article, that were born from my imagination, I can see how we humans still greatly underestimate ourselves, and the wondrous gifts that we have , are born with, and have to give out into the world, only if we did not lose the way to do this, with the purpose that is behind it.

I have told a story primarily about the male experience and created both the four scenario´s, and the story of the four year old, as part of this package. Each of the scenario stories spoke to this unfolding gender expression, and the long path that all men have to take, one way or another. Regardless, whether they end up as part of a company culture promoting a culture of Love, or whether they drive a forklift, or are a manger, HR head or the CEO, one thing is clear. How we learn about our gifts, that we posses in the beginning of our lives, and how we learn to know and to use these, has a great impact later on ,when we will need to use them again, when it counts most.

If there was a last question that I could pose to us all, especially the males who might be reading this article. It is, what would happen if the story in the beginning was about a “little girl of four”, instead of a boy, and the scenario´s that were imagined and created and shaped, throughout the article were about “four women” instead of the four men that I have used?.

How might the stories have been different when approached from the feminine viewpoint?. What does this mean when we are looking at love? Is the male and female view about this different? Would this have made a difference in how the theme of “love in the workplace” unfolded through the articles presentation and how our understanding of things were seen in a different light?. What would happen if the HR director was a woman instead of male? How about considering that the CEO was also a woman?

Would these factors add something more to the birth and growth of a more human, loving and healthy culture in the workplace? It is something to consider. After all, I did say in the beginning of the article, that I wished for the reader to be impacted by my choice of presentation. So, for both male and female readers, I hope this has been achieved and you are left now, with a sense of knowing more, about what you need to do, in order to understand how better, to be part of a workplace, that is an example of what human beings are really capable of creating. One, that cares about “who we are” and shows us, that we really do count, and that we are not just, some number on a payroll sheet.

About the author:

Frank David Cardelle is an international acclaimed Psychologist, Consultant and Author. He has given trainings in Leadership, team building to mangers, HR personell , Psychologists and others in the business and human service community in over 38 countries around the world with extensive work in Colombia, South America. He has presented at Conferences worldwide and at many Universities, Institutes and centers. He has authored seven books and been published in eleven languages. Currently, he is engaged in training and consulting work in several cities in China and surrounding Far Eastern countries.

top

„The age of nations is past, the task before us now,
if we are to survive is to shake off
our ancient prejudices and build the earth.”

Teihard de Chardin

In the Gaza Strip in March of 2oo6 an Israeli T5 Stinger missle slammed into the side of a car carrying five Palestanian militants and their leaders five year old daughter. All were killed instantly as the car was ingulfed in a horrific ball of fire. Soon after a 15 year old female suicide bomber took revenge by stepping into a crowded street near Tel Aviv and blows herself up taking six Israeli1s with her and wounding close to a dozen more.
These two events describe the everyday calamity that goes in the hub of the middle East conflict. One that has been going on since the War of 1948 when the Israelis fought and won their independence and declared the territory of Israel the Jewish Homeland.
Today, this bloody conflict still goes on as both sides bring much pain and suffering to one another. A conflict and crisis that mirrors all conflict and crisis the world over in one way or another, from country to country, community to community, family to family and brother to brother.
Will there ever be an end to this conflict? Can Jews and Arabs learn to share the same land, breath the same air and learn to co-exist? Some believe ’Yes’ and others believe that this can never be resolved as the conditions and causes are too deeply entrenched in the hearts, minds and souls of both Jewish and Arab camps. A few even believe that this is merely an impossible task.
Not long ago I traveled to Israel to see for myself what I had, like many others had only heard and read about for years. I wanted to find out out what was not being talked about and what we do not hear much about but only through the evening news or the headlines in the daily press or not at all.
During the month of my stay in Israel I came acrossed a community in the country that few people really knew much about. Others did not know anything or chose not to even discuss the topic.

In this article I want to share my own experience of this community that I had the good fortune to locate and spend some time. While there I had the opportunity to talk to many people in this unique place and even got to watch them „live” their experience. I met teachers, parents and even talked with a few young people ,both Arabs and Jew alike. I also was lucky enough to spend several hours in deep discussion with the democratically, elected mayor of the community. An Arab Palestanian and Christian. In a short time we became friends. He was a wise, thoughtful and intelligent man. I learned much from our shared encounters.
I hope by sharing my experience of what I learned there the reader audience will have at least another view of things that goes deeper and beyond the usual media report. Perhaps, then we can see upfront and know about important pieces of a story or event that is often overlooked and blocked through the sensationalism of the media.
I give you Neva Shalom/Wahat Al- Salam. The only community in Israel where Jews and Arabs CHOOSE to live together, are building a better future for their children and have done so for over twenty-five years.

Building a Foundation for Dialogue, Cooperation and Peace.

As taken from the community brochure:

„Nestled on a hillside off the main highway between TelAviv and Jeruslem, the community of Neva Shalom/ Wahat Al- Salam stands as an alternative to regional violence and strife.
The „Oasis of Peace” as it is known in Hebrew and Arabic is made up of dedicated Jews and Palestanians, all Israeli citizens, who have established a model that they hope others will see as evidence that a new kind of society is possible. One where the state of Israel is sustained; where the Arab minority owns an equal share, has a ligitimate voice; where traditions and culture are valued as an integral facet of the rich history of the middle East”

I have to confess that after I first read the words from the above I expected to see people with smiling faces and gestures of warmth towards the public. After all they represented something out of the ordinary as is often the case when people join together to become the pioneers of something new to the world. In this case certainly new for the conflicted region of Israel. While I did see some smiling faces and met people who were warm and friendly. I also met others who had frowns on thier faces wether this was in the office, Hotel or small shops and markets. In short these people were just ordinary folks going about the bussiness of living and like everyone else had stressful moments and bad days. Perhaps, this was because of a conflict in a family matter, or some important decision needed to be made to improve the lives of people in the community. They like anyone else had those moments when they raised their voice, or said something that hurt someone else etc.
The difference in this community is that they sit down and find the best way to resolve the dispute or improve the skills needed to bring about understanding and ease. They do not pickup guns and began shooting one another or finding other ways to bring about the abuse and humiliation of another person as well as themselves. It did not matter wether they were Arab or Jew or Christian or which family member of the 52 families they happened to come from. Like the rest of us humans who possess less than perfect traits and qualities. They too had struggles with thier emotions and „Archaic mind-sets”, those that are simply part of any exchange between people but they found better and more healthier ways for doing this. At Neva Shalom/Wahat Al-Salam these have become some of the guiding principles for how they operate as a community. They take the time and make the effort to go where others often fear to tread. They go for a more lasting approach that infuses all aspects of their lives on a daily basis. They go towards dialogue and beyond the staid cluthes of limitedness and opinion.

One thing that I found particulary intersting about the community is learning that the founder Bruno Hussar was a converted Jew to Catholicism. Perhaps, this symbolized something important and was a key for the communities bith and vision. This is to be able to understand others people beliefs, backgrounds and traditions more deeply it might be helpful to have lived this or at least the desire and effort to do so.
Another part of the community that drew my attention was the special way the children are educated. In the community they have a bilingual school K-8 teacing from both Hebrew and Arabic languages. Here the teachers both Jewish and Palestanian help the childen to know more deeply thier rich cultural heritage while respecting the others. This program has been so successful that the schhol has received official endorsement from the office of the Ministry of Education of the state of Israel. Plus, several parents both Jews and Arabs outside of the community have sent thier children to the school to be part of a more pioneering approach to learning about cultural differences.
The other program in the community that has attracted everyone’s attention is what is called the School for Peace. Here one of the members of the Commuinty, A Professor from Jerusalem has lauched a unique encounter method in teaching both Arabs and Jews to really see and understand one another and the Conflict in thier country. This program has been offered in sevral Universities in the country and many have been trained in the programs methods. People from around the world come to partake in the unusual method of conflict resolution.
After speaking with more people, (sometimes in thier homes over dinner) I learned that while many people want to participate in this „pioneer venture” only a few are accepted. It would seem that it takes more than just a desire or even a dream to really be a part of the experiment going on in the Community. It takes a full commitment and a willingness to learn, grow and dicover continuously how to really do what it takes to trually change. Although are many people who say they can be successful in some experience like this. It is only a few that can go for the duration. This is what the members look for when a potential applicant stands before them to be voted into the community or not. This is what I was told when I asked about this.
As I come closer to the end of this article Im wodering how I can bring its closure in the best way. I think probaby, the best way to do this justice is to say the following:

I have no illusions that Neva Shalom/ Wahat Al- Salam is Utopia or even close to this. I say this because some people want to lay this lable onto he heads of the people there. Something they do not need. Not at all.
They are real, honest, courageous human beings who have taken it on themselves to try to create and find „another more healthy way to respond to a crissis that has been going on for far too long. Where other solutions have failed and even caused a regressive shift in matters. This commuinty and its people continue to take the sometimes diffucult steps out of blindness, and limitedness, in thought , feeling and choise that has kept them and people around them prisoners of an unhealthy attitude and lifestlye. These people should be congradulated for not only being able to do what they have already, but to do this when many people from all around them, from both sides look at them and what they are trying to do with suspicion and disdain. But what is more important here then this is that inspite of this response, they still carry on. Instead of blaming and complaining as others do, and offering nothing useful in exchange they still attempt to find better and lasting ways to have peace in thier country and among their people. I applaude them for this because it is not easy at all making the „impossible” even close to possible. For this they are a model to us all everywhere on the planet.
In closing, I will let the voice of one of Neva Shalom/Wahat Al-Salam’ member’s express the very simple message of what they are trying to do.

„In the day to day life and interaction of a small community, we are bridging the gap that leads others who live apart to fear, hate and resort to violence.”

Beyond this if people want to know more about this unique community in Israel. I encourage anyone to go there and see for themselves. Of course, people may come away with different views than mine in this article but this is fine and well. Because when we can have different views about how we see and understand something and this is just accepted. We are on our way to a more peaceful world. This I believe is the calling for Neva Shalom/ Wahat Al- Salam and other kinds of communities who are seeking better way to live together on this earth.

top

Letters to the Organization Development Journal
To: OD Journal Publisher
From: Frank Cardelle
Subject: Working in China

Hi Don,

I have given a lot of thought to your request that I share my experience of working in China for the readers of the OD journal. I must confess that I have needed some time and space in order to gain a larger picture a clearer perspective of it all. I believe that anyone who has worked in China would understand what I’m saying here. I think this is even greater when the kind of work engaged in is psychological. After all, I ended up in China as the guest of a School of Psychology of a large University in Beijing.

I do not want to go into much detail about how all this happened because it had something to do with synchronicity.
You know the kind. i.e., right time, place, condition and person. The journey to China really was born out of a meeting with a young Graduate student in London on her way to China to study Chinese. Plus, a few exchanges of emails and finally the decision to go after she coaxed me to come for a visit to meet some colleagues of hers that just happened to be Psychologists and were interested in knowing more about my work. The rest is now history because these Psychologists not only became interested in my work but ended up organizing workshops and presentations for me in China but also translated one of my books into Chinese and arranged for its publication. They also have become dear friends. In short, this is how I ended up in China.

Now, Don, for me to get into what I ended up doing there and what I learned from the experience is a greater challenge. It would be an under-statement to say that I fully understand what happened to me while I was there.
In fact, I can easily say that I’m still digesting my experience and no doubt will be for sometime to come. I am sure you and others are curious about what I am speaking to here when I state this. I hope that as we get deeper into the story this will become clearer and make more sense.

Those in the OD Institute circle know that I’m not the usual, ‘run of the mill’ kind of Practitioner I travel a great deal around the world and probably am about as close to being a Global Citizen as anyone can be. In the last 21 years I have worked and travelled in over 30 countries.

I can remember so many times, Don when you ask where I am at whenever you get an email from me offering to help with the next OD World Congress.
During these years of travel and work I have been in some countries that have more than challenged me both as a person and professional. Colombia could be one of these and Russia and former Soviet countries are others.
This of course fits well with my nature and choice of lifestyle that certainly might not be agreeable for others in OD or Psychological work. But, nevertheless, it is what works for me or at least this is just how it has turned out for me these last years.

I like to believe that I have gained a lot from my chosen lifestyle and consider the world as my classroom and the people everywhere as my teachers. This has enabled me to stretch myself in all areas of my life from personal to relationships to just being a member of the world and the human family. I’m truly grateful that I have been able to select and create this kind of experience for my life long leanings. It has provided much richness and growth of my mind, heart and spirit. Every experience in every country has helped me to see how each one is part of all the others and a kind of integral tapestry of collective meaning and purpose. One example of this is lessons I learned through my work or encounters in Colombia have helped in my activities in Russia or other countries that offered some similar kinds of lessons but not necessarily related if it was looked at more closely. All in all, I have always understood this fact and have used this kind of personal logic or sense whenever, I travel into another territory or country whereby the cultural, social and history somehow has a great influence on the people living there. For the most part, it has worked well for me. However, when I tried to apply this in my China experience I ended up with some gaps in both the understanding and the means for doing this.

Could it be safe to say that China turned out to be the most important venture of the many I have had in my 21 years of travelling, working and learning throughout the world? Could I also say that had if it had not been from the lessons that I gained from years in Colombia, Russia, Hungary, Turkey not to mention Africa and Australia, earlier ones in Canada, Northwest Territories and the good ol’ USA that my experience in China would have been quite different. Perhaps, had I not had these experiences, I may not have gone to China at all.

In this light, I’m suggesting that my experience in China was more than just the usual kind of Tourist excursion or even part of a work assignment. It was really part of a much larger context of learning, lessons, work and travel that had been evolving over the period of time that has elapsed since I took to the Global highway 21 years ago.
Therefore, what did happen during my almost two months of activity there was skewed by all the previous encounters and lessons throughout the world.

So you may be asking.... ‘So what did happen in China during the almost two months of time?’ As we go on more light will be shed about this.

Over the years I have given presentations and workshops with faculty and staff of numerous Universities on several continents. This has been through faculties of Psychology, Social Work, Medicine, Business and many others. In China this was not any different as I was a guest of a Beijing University Psychology Department. I gave presentations to several student groups in Psychology at the Graduate level and others in the Business faculty. I also gave presentations in Counselling and stress management through a city of Beijing Youth Organization. On one occasion I also gave a press conference for one of the largest newspapers in Beijing.

In the beginning I thought that I could easily handle the assignment before me despite some of the obvious signs that told me that I could possibly be taking on a task that I might not be ready to take on. This does not mean that I could not do it. It just meant that I needed to see the larger picture if indeed I was going to succeed. I needed to crawl outside of my usual professional comfort zone, open both my eyes, not to mention my mind and my western style of thinking and seeing. I also, needed to let go of the attitude I had acquired from years of travelling and learning that told me I was in the know. This means that I was fairly versed in knowing what to do cross culturally- wise. After all, if I had not learned enough about this through all my years of learning and encounters with people in other cultures. Then I had better get ready to start all over again. Well, to my great surprise this is what I found out that I did need to do if I really wanted to gain the best from this new experience. Of course, I could pretend and fake that I did know what was going on but in both the short and long of it I would probably lost more than I would have gained. Therefore, I realized that I had better prepare myself for some more lessons that come out of the realms and pits of the “unknown and the unexpected”.

The first thing I learned about the Chinese people was how much they love to eat. I was told that the people really enjoy this now because they remember when there was little or know food and this was why they got into eating Dogs, bugs, rats and other kinds of foodstuff. If I wanted to get to know the people in a closer way then be prepared to participate in the rituals at mealtime. It is through these rituals that the people really come alive. I have to confess that, at least in the beginning I too enjoyed these special moments as well until I simply got tired of eating only Chinese food. Later I found out that the food was distinctively different in different regions of the country.
Here you have the Cantonese in the South of China and the Mandarin in the North. The main difference is the Mandarin palate is spicier whereas the Cantonese is not at all or only with certain dishes.

Another thing I learned is how much the Chinese love to move via dance, Tai Chi and to sing. I can remember several times walking down the street or being on the bus and all of a sudden middle aged man or older begins to sing. The division is full of programs where people are performing in one way or another, from singing (in a special way as part of tradition) or engaged in some kind of dance or movement or playing some strange musical instrument.

One characteristic that I picked up at least around University campuses is how engaged the students are with their studies. This makes a lot of sense because it is not so easy getting into University as it is very completive, Exams are a big part of students’ lives and memorizing tends to be the main kind of learning. But at the sometime this also contributes to a lot of pressure on students to perform. In many cases they are all trying to be the best students regardless of what they are studying.
This also comes through the expectations of parents and other relatives, community or region of the country.
Class is another contributor.

While there I learned that 20 students had jumped off dormitory buildings within a two month school term.
This is becoming a real problem now and the ages of young people gets lesser and lesser. In most cases the jumpers are male but in some cases they can also be female. I also learned that the country is having a very big problem with young people being addicted to video games, especially the boys. They can spend hours or a whole day fixed to a computer screen.

I learned mostly through my workshops that another problem that exists in the country is how people deal with their emotions. For the most part emotions are nuisances for many and they are comfortable just using their cerebral process.

On many occasions it was requested that I teach people how to ‘control’ their emotions. Apparently, many Chinese had been taught to think and not feel. This of course has had an adverse effect when it comes to handling the conditions created by a faster paced and more demanding lifestyle so characteristic of modern China today.

People were often shocked in my presentations when I would tell them that I was not there to teach them how to control their emotions. In fact, as I said once,” you do not need to control your emotions because you have them controlled too much already”. At first they just looked at me with a strange glare as if to say they did not understand what I was talking about. But over time they began to not only to understand what I was saying, they began to see for themselves how this was true and they needed to look at this whole emotion thing with a different view. This is if they were willing to learn more about the healthier aspect of knowing their emotional sides of living. This is especially important for those people planning to become Psychologists themselves.
From what I could surmise regarding the curriculum for them there is little or knows preparations so that they might learn how to help others gain more appreciation for their emotions, let alone getting more practice themselves in learning this necessary task.

I will never forget what happened when some women burst into tears during an exercise I was doing with a group of professionals. While she felt better for it some others acted as if they did not know what to do and still others felt some kind of relief. Still, a few hinted that she needed to save face and get a grip on herself. This happened on more then one occasion as people seemed to give themselves permission to let go of the control. I learned later that one reason that this one woman was more at ease in expressing herself is that she was from Shanghi where people were more open to their emotions whereas, Beijing people were quite the opposite when it came to emotions.

Often I felt like I was in kindergarten, at least when it pertained to the emotional issues we were addressing on so many occasions. I could see how years of a certain way of being taught to learn and understand oneself could take its toll on people eventually. As a Psychologist these situations were like-in to case studies that we often as professional do not have the luxury of experiencing that often in our field work. On the other hand, it also showed me that if I planned to continue working in China in the future I really had my work cut out for me.

The main distinction that I only came to see and know more close to the end of my stay in China is how different is the Beijing area in the North to the Ghuado City area in the South near Hong Kong. This was important because before this happened I was coming to believe that all the experiences were similar to Beijing. Here again, about controlling emotions among other things. Once I understood the difference I was able to relax myself. I say this as I was beginning to get into the same kind of control mind-set as I saw in the others in Beijing. Later I found the main reason for this distinction was because Guando City had been more exposed to the western influence for a longer time and also was closer to Hong Kong.

I suspect that the Beijing people will also come to relax more and even begin to utilize the more emotional intelligent parts of themselves. It will just take time and practice.

Well, Don as we get closer to the end of this letter I hope what I have tried to share here resonates with some of the readers.

I have been told often these past months that China will probably be the next super power. Now, after having been there I have to confer that indeed it will be the next super power. It has the potential for this and from the looks of things in the world it is heading towards this possibility. I just hope that as the country is moving rapidly in this direction that they do not forget to re-awaken the deeper parts of their countries historical riches and wisdom.
China is one of the oldest country and cultures on the planet. It has much to offer the world and can provide something that other countries have unfortunately, forgotten.
But do not just take my word about this. I encourage anyone to go to China and find out for themselves.

top

Interview with Frank D. Cardelle on Saturday, November 25^th, 2006-11-28

在2006年11月25日与Frank D. Cardelle的专访

MindChina: Good morning Frank, our opener today will be about children, we truly believe the children today are suffering from distress more than ever before. That poses a great threat, since they are the future of our society, our country, and our world. What’s your view on it?

曼德：Frank您早，我们今天想问的第一个问题是有关孩童的，目前，孩童的压力指数达到了前所未
有之高。这个问题非常严重，因为他们是我们社会，国家，以及世界未来的主人，
您对此有什么看法？

Frank: In the older days, people used to live a lot closer to the nature, whereas today we have lost some of that soul. Second reason is that we are jumping steps, with that people would grow up dragging some of their childhood memories with them because they simply haven’t fully grown. The affections show in the family, at work, and in relations.

Frank: 以前人们住的和大自然近的多了。现在的人由于长期的居住在大城市里，单单是灵气这
一项就已经和以前差的多了。第二点就是，现在的父母，经常的会过早给孩子门过多
的压力，学这个学那个的。当然父母总是希望小孩多才多艺，但有的时候，
真的应该让孩子们自由发挥一下，看看他们喜欢什么而不是我们要他们学什么。
也由于这个原因，很多孩子在心灵没有完全发育好的情况下，在长大以后，
还经常背负着孩童时的阴影。这样的问题，不但影响孩子自己，在他们长大后，
还会影响到他们的家庭，工作，甚至是两性关系。

Frank: More to it, I would suggest the school to take the children outdoors more often, just to stay away from the modern world for a bit, get closer to the nature, let nature nourish the souls.

Frank: 追加一点，我会建议学校经常的带孩子们出去走走，让孩子们更接近大自然，
让大自然滋养他们的灵魂。

MindChina: So start early is the key.

曼德：所以从小就应该开始培养一个健康的心灵。

Frank: Yes, and not just from school, it needs to start from the moment children are born. Human beings needs to be loved, what’s better? Born into this world having a doctor slap your butt or having your mom hold you in her arms? Children are like new flower seeds been planted into a garden, parents need to be the caring, loving gardeners, just like flowers, give them sunlight, fertilization and support, they’ll blossom. You can’t force the flowers to grow any faster, you can’t force the flowers to be prettier then they were meant to be, if you do, you’ll destroy it. But then again, if you like, you can always replace them with plastic ones.

Frank：是，而且应该从出生时就开始做起。人类需要的是爱，想象一下，一个人出生后，
第一个人生经历应该是被医生打屁股呢？还是被妈妈拥抱在怀中？
小孩就像是花园里的新种子，而父母则是那有爱心和充满关怀的园丁。就像花一样，
只要给他们应有的阳光和肥料，他们自然的会茁壮成长。要知道，
我们无法叫花长的更快，无法让花长的比它原来的容貌更美丽，如果这样做，
只会摧毁它。当然，如果您真的不在乎的话，就买塑胶花吧。

MindChina: About the growing teenagers, just as children, their pressure is enormous as well. School work, relationships with parents, friends, and loved ones, is there something we can do to help them ease and soothe their mind and live happier?

曼德：就像小孩一样，青少年的压力也很大。无论是升学，友谊，或是初谈恋爱，
您在这方面有什么建议？

Frank: We are not just rational beings, we need to satisfy our needs, our real needs, not the needs of others. But with teenagers these days, that had been altered, a lot of them work extremely hard in school to satisfy their parents’ expectations, not because they enjoy their work, they would do extra to satisfy their friends, not because they really care for them, but because they are afraid to be left alone. The hearts of those are really crying and angry instead of cherishing and been happy. As for the solution, I would suggest go back to the basics again, touch base with self, answer your own questions about life, kind of a renewal process.

Frank: 我们不单单是理性动物，在我们生活里，也需要去满足精神上的东西。
今天大部分青少年的问题，就是他们所满足的并不是他们真正想要的。
很多人争取好成绩，其实是为了让父母高兴，为了能上那个所谓的“好学校”，
而不是为了自己的爱好或是目标。或是对所有朋友瞎好，不是真正的关心谁，
而是担心失去朋友而变得孤单。他们年轻人心理应有的幸福和快乐不见了，
有的只是哭泣和愤怒。至于如何走出这种阴影，我认为必须一个人安静下来，
好好的做一些深思，诚实的回答自己“我到底想要什么”，并且把儿时的空洞补好，
这样才能真正的成长，成为一个健康的大人。

MindChina: Thank you Frank. Now with our pushing force of the society, our adults, for their pressure is the worst, and since they are our leaders and children’s educator, what can we do to help them?

曼德：谢谢你Frank，现在我想请问有关大人的事，他们是社会的主力，相对的，他们压力也是最大的，
尤其他们还需要同时间做一个好家长。。您的看法是？

Frank: The #1 killer for men is heart-attack worldwide, however the females are catching up on that # as we progress in today’s world. Reason is easy, the society puts too much expectations on us. They would ask us to focus, concentrate, put our mind off of things, but you know what? You can’t really put your mind off things unless you have totally digested them and move on, by putting them somewhere deep inside us will only lead to more distress, and when they come back to haunt us they usually hit us hard. And it’s the same remedy for adults too, they are not that much different from teenagers or kids, because a lot of times they still haven’t fully grown into adulthood yet. So just like I said, get in touch with the nature more, meditate, find your inner peace, answer your own questions honestly, practice.

Frank: 从前男人的第一杀手是心脏病，现在女人这个问题也越来越频繁了。原因很简单，
社会对我们的期望是过分而且错误的，它教我们去注意，专心，把琐事忘记。
但你知道吗？在你尚未把事情消化前，它们是不会消失的，在日后的某些时刻，
它们依然会回来纠缠你，而通常那些压缩的情绪都是更恐怖的。
针对大人的疗法其实完全一样，原因也很简单，很多大人其实根本就没有真正的长大。
所以老样子，多接近大自然，沉静下来，回答自己内心的问题，找到内在的平静，
锻炼锻炼再锻炼。

MindChina: Frank, what’s your take on relationships between lovers?

曼德：Frank，您对两性感情的看法是？

Frank: I’ll list the problems first, 1)Illusion-that you love someone so much but they don’t love you back, 2) Half Loves-that you love someone so much, but you don’t know what to do next, 3) One Dimension Relation-not relating in enough areas, 4) Fear-afraid of losing him/her or something in the relationship.

Frank: 我先把今天世界里的一些常见问题列一下，1）幻觉-你很爱他，但你担心他爱你不够多，2）半调子的爱-两人很相爱，但不知道下一步，或是目标是什么，3）单次元的爱-和他或她的爱太简陋，缺乏多元化，4）恐惧-担心会失去她\他或是什么。

The solution is-do something about it. Sometimes we will be so amazed about what we can find out after meditations, things that we already know but refuses to do. If nothing changes, nothing changes.

Frank: 解决方案-去做，不要只想。有时我们在沉思中，才会发现很多原来自己早以知道的道理，
一些早知道但不愿去做，不愿去面对的事。要知道，如果不做改变，就不会有改变。

MindChina: Thank you very much Frank. Now, about yourself Frank, how did you come to decision to travel all around the world? What were the thoughts?

曼德：非常谢谢。Frank，您是如何决定离开家乡，然后周游全世界的呢？

Frank: I was born in California, went to U.C. Berkeley in 1968, then all of a sudden something struck me. I used to be very patriotic, you know, like ready to serve and die for my country? Then I realized there are more important things to do in life than just blindly fighting for some politician’s greed. I then joined the anti-war movement group, later became an exile because I had a marine rank and they considered that a federal crime.

Frank：我出生在美国的加州，在1968年时就读加州州立大学柏克莱分校。我曾经是一个热情的乡下男孩，只知道要报效国家。
结果那年我忽然醒悟了，我终于明白，生命里有太多重要的事要做，要珍惜，
而为了一些政客的贪婪去牺牲，则绝对不是我应该做的。我接着参加了反战组织，
由于我当时有军校准备生的身份，我的国家认为这是叛国的行为，最终它们放逐了我。

Frank: I then went to Canada and started my long 22 year journey. During the journey, I had given away all of my belongings twice, I like to travel light.

Frank：我于是去了加拿大，然后开始了我22年长的世界旅程。由于我喜欢简便的旅行，在22年中，我曾经两次将我所有的东西送人。

MindChina: And what would you consider the things that you learned from this trip?

曼德：您认为在这一个旅途上，所学到的有那些呢？

Frank: First, I learned that no 2 experiences or person are the same, therefore I learned to respect everyone’s view and their personality. I learned that everyone has the potential, but if you don’t use it, you lose it. I also learned that we as human beings need to make our own decisions, accept the outcome, good or bad, learn and cultivate those priceless and rich experiences in life. The most important thing I learned on this trip wasn’t from any man, it was from my cancer. I had cancer for 4 years, at first there was 1 tumor, they removed it, and I immediately forgot what the pain was like and went back to my night life, and it came back with 5 tumors the 2^nd time. That was when I truly learned something, facing death, I learned that if you don’t treat your body nicely, it would treat you just as bad. So yes, I’m actually grateful for the experience, it was my best teacher in life, it taught me that I should appreciate life, in another word it saved my real “life”. Sometimes the easier the message the better people learn, cancer’s message was crystal clear, live healthier, or die.

Frank：我学到的东西非常多，首先我学到的是，在这世上，没有任何两个人或是两件事是完全
一样的，也由于这个，我学会了如何去尊重每一个人的个性和看法。第二，
每个人都有无限的潜力，但是如果我们不去使用它们，我们就会丧失它们。第三，
人类应该为自己做决定，不要害怕，做决定后去面对它的结果，无论是好是坏，
从每一个经验里去体会和学习它所教我们的，更充实的去培养自己的生活。
但在这旅途上我所学到最重要的，并不是来自于任何人，而是来自于我所得的癌症。
在其中我患了癌症4年之长，第一次医生发现了一个瘤，在切除之后，我马上忘了病痛的痛苦，
回到了我糜烂的生活。结果癌症马上又出现了，而这次是5个瘤。当然我很感激最终我还是被治好了，但这次经验所教我的，却是终身难忘的。
我学到了几点，第一，如果你对你身体不好，它对你也不会好到哪去。第二，
癌症很恐怖，但它却是我一生中最好的老师，它差点夺走了我的生命，但在最后，
它所救的，却是我真正的“生命”。当时的选择很简单，健康的生活，或是死。

MindChina: Frank, what’s your take on love life?

曼德：Frank，您对爱情的看法是？

Frank: Same, touch base with self, ask yourself what do you want from the relationship, sacrifice alone will not get the job done. Make sure both of you are mature, and make sure the relationship itself matures in the progress. It’s also very important to remember that “every great relationship has a great friendship within”, like I mentioned before, relate in all aspects not just sex or fun.

Frank：同样的，和自己好好交流，要清楚自己从关系里想得到什么，
一味的付出和牺牲是不会有结果的。要确定两人都有成熟的心态，
以及这个关系本身在过程里不断的成长。另外一点就是“美好的两性关系中必然包含
了美好的友谊”，爱情也是一种交流，需要多方面的去体会各种方面，而不单单的只是性。

Mindchina: Frank, what’s your definition of psychology?

曼德：Frank，您对心理学的解释是？

Frank: Psychology is a model, a tool to help people understand life. But as a psychologist you must work with real people to learn and experience, also my suggestion to all psychiatrists and psychologists is that, as we work in this field, we need to make sure we have a strong heart, more healthy activities since we deal and absorb a lot of negative feelings and thoughts.

Frank：心理学是一种模式，一种去帮助人们了解生命的工具。一个心理学家必须得从人身上去学会更多，而不光是书本。我对所有心理学家的建议是，
由于我们的工作本身就会接触很多的负面情绪，我们更应该要有强的心理素质，
健康的生活。

MindChina: Frank, any words to us, our society, or our country?

曼德：Frank，您对我们，我们的社会，或是国家有什么感想？

Frank: My advise to the next generation is-1) don’t feel lonely, you are not the only one who feels isolated, lost, confused, lacking sense of purpose and meaning in life, 2) don’t feel you are any less, part of your worries is because you are still young, the rest is because the world gives you substitutions when you search for things you truly need, 3) stop following what the adults are doing, touch base with yourself, search for your own answers.

Frank：首先，我对年轻朋友们要说的是-1）有很多人和你们一样，他们也感到孤立，迷失，困惑，在生命中缺乏意义和方向，2）不要对自己丧失信心，你们担忧的一部分是因为你们毕竟还年轻，
另外就是这个世界给我们太多的替代物，来取代我们一些真正需要的东西，3）停止去模仿大人的行为，问问自己想要做什么，找寻自己的答案。

Frank: As for the people in general, I feel most are stuck in a box, they think they see it, but it’s only with 1 eye. Same advise here, get in touch with the nature more, meditate, ask yourself for the answers, stop following what the society or others are trying to point you to.

Frank：对于整体来说，我觉得大部分的人就像是生活在一个盒子里，他们认为他们看的清楚，
但事实上，就像是用一支眼睛在看。我的建议一样，多和大自然接触，问自己答案，
不要只是去更随他人或是社会前进。

Frank: As for China, I think the potential is great. The problem here is that it doesn’t get used in all areas, therefore as you gain some, you lose some. I feel China is starting to come back to the balance which is a great thing, after all, as one of the oldest, richest culture in the world, it’s impossible to deny, cut, or disconnect with it, if we do, we would lose a lot of its greatness and rich teachings.

Frank：我对中国的看法是-它的潜力绝对强大，但在当前还没有应用到每一个区域，也由于如此，
我们在某些地方增加了，但在其他一些地方则失去了。中国现在方向很好，
正在慢慢的走回那个平衡点。我的看法是，世界绝对需要与中国保持一定的关系，
想要和世界上这样一个丰富文化和传统的国家短线，或是去拒绝它是不可能的，
如果这么做，只会带来宝贵文化的损失。

Frank: Moreover, China needs to implement more of its ancestral teachings back to place, stuff from Confucious and Laotzu are gifts not just to China but to all mankind.

Frank：更重要的就是，中国需要把老祖宗的教诲好好的应用在现代。孔子，
老子他们的教育不止是给中国人的大礼物，更是对全世界的贡献。

Frank: I also want to give special thanks to everyone for inviting me here, professor lin, Panda from youth stress center, Sina the translator of my books, and my younger sister Carla, she was the one who brought me from Europe to China.

Frank：我同时也要感谢大家邀请我来，青少年压力中心的林教授和Panda，我书籍的翻译Sina，以及我小妹Carla，是她把我从欧洲带到中国来的。

MindChina: Frank, we want to thank you for your time, and all these valuable suggestions, we look forward to talk to you again soon!

曼德：Frank，非常感谢您的宝贵时间以及这么多的宝贵意见，我们希望在不久的将来能再次与您见面。

Frank: It was fun, thank you guys.

Frank：这次谈话非常的好，我也谢谢你们。

top